tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91244910243335403892024-03-11T21:52:16.508-07:00Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124491024333540389.post-10561645083503971392014-08-11T13:49:00.000-07:002014-08-11T13:49:20.230-07:00Why Can't Kids Want To Be Like Me? <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">During the last night of the Ms. Wheelchair America pageant,
after being named Ms. Congeniality and the first runner up, I was running
around the ballroom with a bunch of kids who were there. Two of the little
girls I was playing with were wheelchair users – they both had spina bifida
just like me, let’s call them Lyla and Grace. Then there was a younger boy and
girl whose mom was also in the pageant – we’ll call them Max and Belle. Lastly
there was a nine year old girl whose mom used to be Ms. Wheelchair America back
in the 80’s – we’ll call her Ella. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We were all racing up and down the ramps, screaming,
throwing confetti, and having an overall good time. The littlest girl, Belle,
who walks, wanted to ride on my lap, so I scooped her up and we raced the other
kids together in my chair. The other girls in wheelchairs, Lyla and Grace, were
comparing their sweet wheelchair moves with mine. We were all having a
fantastic time when Ella looked at me and the other girls in chairs and said “Wheelchairs
are so cool! I wish I needed a wheelchair. I ask my mom for one all the time.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I immediately high fived this little girl and told her “Yeah!
Wheelchairs are cool! I like the way you think.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then I went to teach Lyla a new wheelchair trick and when
she hesitated I said “Don’t be afraid to try! What’s the worst that’s going to
happen? You’re going to fall out of your wheelchair and break your neck so that
you need a wheelchair?” This made Lyla giggle and she tried her new wheelchair
trick. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">At the same time, Ella proclaimed, “I want to break my neck
so I need a wheelchair!” I high fived
her again and said “Being in a wheelchair is awesome! I’m so glad you think so
too!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In that moment I was so proud of myself as a disabled woman
and of that little girl who had no pity for people with disabilities, but rather,
the utmost admiration. Her mom is a wheelchair user, two of her playmates that
night were wheelchair users, she was surrounded by 26 strong, competent women
competing for Ms. Wheelchair America all week – why shouldn’t she want to be
like us? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, when I told people how proud I was of this, I was
met with rude glances and hostility. I was told by many people that I was wrong
for being proud that this girl wants to be like me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is it so wrong to be proud that a little girl wants to
be like me? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is it so wrong that a little girl wants to be like me? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is it so wrong to desire disability? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As I sit here contemplating why it’s such a terrible thought
that Ella wants to be a wheelchair user just like me, I can’t help but think of
Lyla and Grace, the two little girls with spina bifida. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was them once. I know what they’re going through as little
girls in wheelchairs. They are told every day by their family members that they’re
praying that they will be able to walk someday. They are approached by complete
strangers in public who will say that they will pray for Lyla and Grace too. They are asked constantly “What’s wrong with
you?” They are learning that their bodies are wrong. They are learning that
being able to walk is the ultimate goal and because they cannot walk something
is wrong with them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If these
little girls said that they wanted to walk just like their moms, no one would
bat an eye. No one would be all up in arms that these girls should love
themselves the way they are and not try to walk. No. In fact, people would
support them. They would pray for them. If videos of these girls struggling to walk
with braces and crutches were posted online with the tagline of “She WILL walk
someday” it would be shared over 300,000 times. The comments would all say
things like “We are praying for you here in Nebraska!” and “Keep believing and
you will walk again!” and “God does great things!”<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But if you
just posted a video of these girls playing happily and effortlessly in their chairs,
it’d be shared 20 times max. No one would write “God does great things” on this
video. In fact, this video with happy girls in wheelchairs would probably have
comments like “It’s such a pity such cute girls are in chairs” and probably
some unsolicited prayers too. Yes, a video of happy girls playing would get a
comment like “I will pray that they will walk someday.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So why is this okay? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We’re happy to support normalcy and drop words like “cure”
and “heal” when we see happy little girls with disabilities, but if someone <i>wants</i> a disability that is wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And it’s not just with wheelchairs. Apparently it is wrong
to desire anything outside of being a “healthy,” nondisabled person. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A child can wish to be tall when he grows up, but he can’t
wish to be a Little Person - that would be blasphemy. A little girl can wish to be skinny and the
world would support her, but God forbid if she wishes to be fat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If we support a person who <i>wants</i> to be opposite of the norm then we’re wrong, we’re morbid, we’re
senseless, and a slew of other things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So I ask again, why? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why can’t disability be desirable? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why can people pray for little girls in wheelchairs to walk
again but I can’t high five a little girl who wants to be in a wheelchair? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Here are the two main reasons I
was given:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>1.<span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></b><b>Everyone should love their bodies and be
proud of who they are<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Agreed! It would be awesome if
everyone loved their bodies and were proud of who they are. I am 100% in
support of this idea, but it’s kind of bullshit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If an obese girl says she wants to
lose weight, society doesn’t flip a shit and tell her to just love herself the
way she is. No, society creates TV shows so that we can sit on our couches,
eating popcorn, as we watch her struggle to become some idealized size that our
society has deemed beautiful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If a girl dyes her hair her entire
life because she doesn’t like being blonde and much prefers being a brunette,
no one is outraged. Instead, we have aisles full of different shades of dye in
every store and we have hair salons – take your pick ladies. And while you’re
at it, get a perm or Japanese straightening, because that’s okay too. No one
will argue you don’t love yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And who says I can’t love myself
and be proud of myself and still wish to be different? I am drowning in self-love
over here, but every day I wish I didn’t have tiny spina bifida feet. I want
standard feet so that I can wear cute heels while sitting in my chair, but
instead I have these tiny feet with braces that only fit in Adidas. As much as
I love my Adidas, I must admit, I really want to wear a cute pair of Jimmy Choo’s
with my cocktail dresses. When I tell people all about my desire to wear cute
heels, no one ever gives me a speech about loving myself. Why can’t Ella love herself
and her body and still want to use a wheelchair? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And what about transgender people?
They are born in bodies that they do not identify with. When they choose to
transform their bodies to conform with their gender identities, does that mean
they do not love themselves? Does that mean that they are not proud of who they
are? Or does it mean that they love themselves so much that they’ll go through
the pain, the financial burdens, and the dirty looks in society in order to
truly be themselves? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is it different for Ella? Why
can’t able bodied people feel that their bodies are not the bodies they were
meant to have? Why can’t they want disabled bodies? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Of course, lastly, I bring you
back to physically disabled people who desire to be able bodied. Nobody (but me
and a few others) is up in arms when they want to change their bodies in order
to be able to walk to fit into society’s ideal norm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>2.<span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></b><b>God gave Ella the ability to walk and she
should use it<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fine, then God gave Lyla and Grace
wheelchairs and they should use them. Society should stop donating millions to
create exoskeletons or cures to paralysis because God made these girls unable
to walk and they should stay that way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">God also gave Laverne Cox a penis,
so she should use it. In fact, all trans people should just use the body parts
they came with, no matter how unhappy or suicidal it makes them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If God made you a certain way then clearly you have no choice in the matter. You don’t get to have a say in who
you are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Obviously I’m not going to push little Ella in front of a
bus so she can use a chair. Hell, I’m not even going to encourage her to jump
in front of a bus herself. But I will encourage her desire to be a wheelchair user.
She doesn’t pity people with disabilities; she admires us. She admires us so
much that she wants to be like us and that makes me proud. Why wouldn’t it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It makes me proud to see some kids in our world recognize
that disability is not a detriment. We’re not pitiful creatures. No, we’re
awesome. We’re so awesome that little girls want to be like us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We can cry tears of joy for kids in chairs who walk a
wobbly step, we can pray for them to walk, and we can high five them when they fervently
proclaim that they will walk someday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But when an able bodied kid fervently proclaims that she
wants to be a chair user I am supposed to tell her no? I am supposed to discourage
her? I’m supposed to tell to her that she shouldn’t want to be like me? I’m supposed
to make disability sound like a bad thing that she shouldn’t desire? I can’t
cry tears of joy that this child wants to join <i>my</i> norm? I can’t be delighted that she sees the good in disability
and that she wants to add to the diversity of this great world by becoming
disabled? I can’t pray that someday she might know the joy of being a proud
disabled woman?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Because society tells us that disability is bad and if you’re
disabled then there is something wrong with you. But there isn’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is nothing wrong with you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is nothing wrong with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is nothing wrong with having a disability. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There is nothing wrong or negative or bad about being
disabled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I would not be who I am today if I didn’t have my
disability. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don’t say that to be cutesy. I absolutely mean it. My
disability has made my life far better than it would have been if I didn’t have
a disability. No one in my family went to college besides me. In fact, the
trend for my high school class was to go to the local community college, if
anything, and then get a mediocre job. Instead, I received a full scholarship
to a four year college because of my grades and my status as a minority because
of my disability. While in college I studied abroad in Ireland and had an
incredible time. People would stop and ask me how I could study abroad in a
wheelchair and I would respond that wheelchairs are made to allow people to get
out, not to stay inside. This made me wonder what people with disabilities in
the U.S. were doing if it was so surprising to people that I could travel alone
to Ireland, so I went back to the U.S. and started volunteering at an independent
living center to learn more about the Disability Community. Soon after that I
was hired as a part time Disability Rights Advocate while still in college.
This led me to work for Senator Harkin, the senator who sponsored the Americans
with Disabilities Act. After working for Harkin and the independent living
center I saw that there were plenty of disability rights laws, but not enough
people enforcing them, so I went to law school. Now I am a Disability Rights
Attorney who gets to travel, advocate, and defend the rights of the amazing people
in the Disability Community. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My disability has made my life amazing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If I didn’t have my disability I would likely be working in
a call center or as a server in a restaurant right now like many of my high
school classmates. I don’t say that to disparage my classmates, but I do say
that to point out how much further I have been able to go and how much more I
have been able to achieve because of my disability. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yes, there are struggles in my life, but my disability isn’t
to blame for those struggles. Furthermore, none of my struggles have ever been
so terrible that I would ever consider giving up my disability to avoid the hard
times. It is not my disability’s fault that restaurants have stairs. It is not
my wheelchair’s fault that some doorways are too small for me to fit through. <b>I
am not the problem.</b> The problem is our society that has created oppression
through inaccessibility and blatant discrimination. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I come to a set of stairs in the front of a restaurant,
I simply decide not to give that restaurant my money and I go elsewhere. When I
find a doorway is too small, I go another route. I don’t sit at home crying
over stairs and skinny doorways. Dear lord, I have so many better things to do.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I go out dancing. Yes, dancing, in my wheelchair (and my
moves are better than most of the able-bodied people who are two-stepping on
the dance floor). I work. I educate about accessibility so that Lyla, Grace,
Ella, Belle, and Max will live in a more accessible world when they grow up –
because accessibility isn’t just for people with disabilities. I skydive. I jam
out to embarrassing music in my car. Heck, I even win a Ms. Congeniality award
occasionally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My life is awesome and fulfilling and my disability has
never stood in the way of my happiness. My disability is not some conniving
bitch trying to bring me down, it is not a barrier, it is not a burden – it is a
part of me. Probably the best part of me. My disability does not hold me back,
it pushes me forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So why can’t kids want to be disabled like me? </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124491024333540389.post-54116837569020562062014-07-23T13:50:00.002-07:002014-07-23T13:50:27.574-07:00Oh, Your Shelter Isn't Accessible? - And Other Reasons Women with Disabilities Experiencing Violence Cannot or Do Not Seek Help. <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In my last post I wrote about how society’s treatment of
women and girls with disabilities can contribute to the domestic violence we
experience. Essentially, when you treat us like we’re a burden or like we’re
worth less than other women, we start to believe it ourselves. I wrote about
this to raise awareness about not only domestic violence against women with
disabilities, but also to raise awareness of how society views and treats women
with disabilities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Many women and men with disabilities lauded my post and
thanked me for finally talking about this issue. Many women and men without
disabilities thanked me for bringing this issue to their attention and truly
reflected on their actions and how they could help make a change in how society
treats women with disabilities. Unfortunately, some people took this as an opportunity
to question and challenge both the domestic violence women with disabilities
experience and the societal treatment of women with disabilities. They demanded
evidence of the domestic violence rates for women with disabilities and proclaimed
that it’s not just women with disabilities that experience such violence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Well, duh. Obviously others experience this violence, but
the point is that women with disabilities experience it at much higher rates. If
you want evidence, go to google. The statistics and facts I give you are not
from secret sources. They’re from the DOJ, they’re from national and
international organizations that spend large parts of their budgets doing
research on this issue, and they’re from real women who experience the abuse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The point is women with disabilities experience much higher
rates of violence (Want proof? Check out the DOJ’s Bureau of Justice Statistics
that show in 2011 women with disabilities were THREE TIMES as likely to be
victims of violent crimes than women without disabilities). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There are many reasons that women with disabilities who
experience violence don’t seek help. Sometimes there are physical or systematic
barriers that prevent a person from seeking help. Sometimes it’s societal
issues, like the self-esteem issue I wrote about last time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I chose to write about the self-esteem problem last time
because that is what I know best. I feel that before articulating stories about
other women I needed to share my own, after all, my story is mine to tell. The
experiences that other women have gone through are not my own, therefore they
are not my stories to tell. However, in order to end violence against women
with disabilities, society needs to learn about the problem. We can’t stop a
problem that we don’t know exists. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">For this reason I am providing you a list of why some women
with different disabilities cannot or do not seek help. This list is by no
means comprehensive. The examples I have included are real examples from real
women who experienced real abuse. I have not included their names or any other
identifying information.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Poverty<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Many women with disabilities have fewer economic
resources, thereby increasing their inability to seek help. Poverty is a factor
that prevents many people without disabilities from seeking help. For women
with disabilities, it’s a bit different. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Imagine you are a woman living in poverty and
you are being abused. You may not seek help because you fear that you
will not be able to afford your own home, food, transportation, and other
living expenses without your abusers financial assistance. You may have kids
too. How will you be able to support them as well? These are real concerns that
people with and without disabilities face.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">With disability it goes a step further. Imagine
you are a wheelchair user. You live in a rural area with no bus stop in your
area. No paratransit either. You certainly don’t have a wheelchair accessible
van because those things are ridiculously expensive and you can barely afford
to pay your rent. How will you get out of your house to go to a shelter or any
other place to seek help? Accessible taxi? Ha. They’re still fighting like hell
to get accessible taxis in NYC, they certainly don’t have them in your
neighborhood. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fear</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">All people who
experience abuse struggle to leave because of fear. Every person is different
and fears different things, but people with disabilities have fears that people
without disabilities don’t usually even think of. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fear of losing assistance or being institutionalized<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Say you’re a person
with a disability that requires assistance from a personal care attendant, but
your attendant is abusing you. Your attendant started off fine, helped you
shower and get dressed, but eventually she became controlling. She started
becoming more aggressive when helping you shower and dress. Then she started
hitting you when you took too long to put your pants on. A few times when she
got really angry she would put her cigarettes out on your legs. You want the
abuse to stop, but if you report your attendant then you won’t have anyone to
help you shower and get dressed every day. How will you get out of bed in the
morning? If you go without an attendant for too long, insurance will deem that
it is “unsafe” for you to live in the community without support so you will be
sent to an institution. An institution where you lay in bed all day, eat
whatever gross food they put in front of you, never go outside, and possibly
experience more abuse. What do you do? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fear that you will get in trouble <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now let’s say you’re a
person with an intellectual disability. You live in a group home and one of the
employees is sexually abusing you. You know what is happening is wrong, but
when the employee touches you sometimes it feels good to you. You’re afraid to tell
because you know what is happening is wrong, but you think you might get in
trouble because it felt good to you. So you don’t tell because you don’t want
to get in trouble. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fear of Not being Believed <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What if you’re a woman
with a mental health disability? Maybe you have anxiety or depression or a
personality disorder or maybe PTSD. You are being abused by your partner or
your parent or someone else close to you. You want to tell someone about the
abuse, but you fear no one will believe you because everything thinks you’re “crazy”
already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Fear of </i><i>Further Abuse<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’re a woman with a
disability that lives in the community and your attendant is abusing you. She
hits you occasionally when she gets angry, she leaves you sitting in the same
position for hours which causes you to get bedsores that become infected, and
sometimes she thinks it’s funny to refuse to help you with your toileting needs
and you end up sitting in your own feces for hours. If you tell someone, maybe
your attendant will find out and make things even worse on you. Right now she
only hits you sometimes and neglects you, but if you tell she might start
hitting you more or worse. Maybe it’s better if you just suck it up and don’t
tell anyone so things don’t get worse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Inaccessibility<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Physical Inaccessibility of Shelters<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You use a wheelchair
and your husband is beating the crap out of you all the time. You’re fed up.
You know you shouldn’t have to take this. You find a way to get to your local
women’s shelter to seek help when your husband is out of town for the weekend.
You get to the front door of the shelter and you only see stairs. You can’t get
in. So you call the shelter while you sit outside, staring at the steps that
are preventing you from seeking help. They come out and agree to carry you and
your chair inside. It’s humiliating, but you take it because it’s your only way
to get away from the abuse. Once you’re inside you try to go into an office to
talk to an employee, but the doorway is too small and you can’t get in. They
come out and you meet in another area and then show you around the shelter. You
try to get in the bathroom, but it’s completely inaccessible. The bed is so low
that you can’t independently transfer yourself from your chair to the bed. So
you can’t sleep there or go to the bathroom there or even get in and out of the
door without others carrying you, how could you possibly stay? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Programatic/Systematic Inaccessibility of Shelters<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You have multiple
sclerosis. It’s hard for you to walk, but you make it to the shelter and decide
you want to stay there to get away from your abusive partner. The shelter says
you can stay but has a no narcotics rule. You take prescribed narcotics to treat
the extreme pain you experience from your MS. They refuse to make a reasonable
modification to their rules for you. So you can get away from abusive partner
or you can treat your MS, but not both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Inaccessible information<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’re blind and your boyfriend is verbally and
physically abusive as well as completely controlling. He does not let you have
a phone and sometimes he doesn’t even let you go to class. On a day he does
allow you to go to school, you talk about domestic violence in one of your
classes and different options victims have to seek help but you can’t read any
of the handouts. You want to seek help from a shelter, so you skip your next
class to go to the school library to google your local shelter before your
boyfriend comes to pick you up. Unfortunately the website isn’t accessible so
the screen reader can’t read any of the information. You don’t exactly want to
ask the librarian to read the information to you either. Why is it so hard for
you to seek help?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Communication Barriers</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’re Deaf and you use TTY to call your local
shelter. When the person at the shelter answers, they don’t want to deal with
TTY communication, so they hang up. You’re upset because you feel rejected when
it took you so much courage to finally seek help, but you won’t give up. The next
day you go to the shelter for help, but they refuse to get an interpreter so
you can communicate with them. You demand an interpreter because you know your
rights. You tell them the ADA requires them to provide an interpreter as an accommodation.
They finally agree to provide an interpreter during meetings and therapy, but
for the other 22 hours of the day you have no access to communication with
others. No one else in the shelter knows sign language. You feel so isolated
and alone. Maybe it’s better to go back to your partner. After all, he knows
sign language. He communicates with you. And he doesn’t <i>always</i> hurt you. Maybe if you go back things will get better? At
least you know you won’t be so alone.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or maybe you have a speech disability. Your
speech is difficult for others to understand and often people need to ask you
to repeat yourself multiple times in order to get what you’re saying. You don’t
mind repeating yourself but most people don’t have the patience to listen to
you. Your attendant understands your speech, but your attendant is the one who
abuses you. You try to tell others when your attendant is around, but everyone
just smiles and nods, pretending to understand you. Will anyone ever listen?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Of course, what if you’re completely nonverbal? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lack of Understanding</span></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You Don’t Understand
That You’re Experiencing Abuse<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You have an intellectual disability. Your mom
hugs you and kisses and feeds you, but she also yells at you, hits you, and
controls everything you do. You know your mom loves you and you don’t like when
she hits you and yells at you, but she tells you that she has to yell at you
and hit you because you’re a bad girl and she needs to teach you a lesson. You
don’t understand that she is being abusive, so you never seek help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You Don’t Realize
Specific Actions Are Abusive<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Your husband loves you and he would never hit
you. He’s never laid a hand on you. But, sometimes when he’s mad he refuses to
let you have your wheelchair. He takes it away from you so you can’t reach it.
You end up lying in bed for days sometimes – laying in your own urine because
you can’t get to the bathroom. Sometimes you get bed sores from laying so much
and twice the bedsores have gotten infected causing you to be hospitalized for
days. But that’s not really abuse, right? He loves you. He’s usually very good
to you, he just gets frustrated sometimes. It seems like an insult to women who
experience <i>real</i> abuse to say that
this is abuse. It’s fine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124491024333540389.post-16765333804675624072014-06-23T10:42:00.000-07:002014-06-23T12:08:13.360-07:00Stop Telling Me That I’m Pretty for a Girl in a Wheelchair: How Your Words Contribute to Violence Against Women with Disabilities<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Women with disabilities experience the highest rate of personal
violence of any group in our society. There are many factors that contribute to
this and one factor is self-esteem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Imagine for a minute that you are the average woman – you are
told daily by beauty magazines that your hair is too frizzy and your love
handles are disgusting. Despite this, you have a pretty good self-esteem. Then
you enter a relationship with someone who slowly becomes physically or
emotionally abusive. Statistically speaking, you with your (initial) good
self-esteem will have a difficult time leaving that relationship. On average,
it will take a woman seven times to leave before staying away from that abusive
relationship for good. During that process, your self-esteem will likely be
torn down by your abuser. That will make it even harder to leave. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now, let’s go a step further. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Imagine you’re a woman with a disability. Let’s go with my
disability to make things a bit easier. Imagine you were born with a mobility
disability (spina bifida if you desperately need specifics). Imagine you walked
with a limp as a child and eventually had a wheelchair become part of your
everyday life. Not so bad really. Your family is supportive and you never feel
like there’s anything “wrong” with you until strangers approach you at the mall
and say things like “Can I pray for you?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pray for me? For what? “To heal you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then every stranger feels the need to come up to you to tell
you that you’re brave. Brave for what? For living, that’s what. They think it’s
a compliment, but what you eventually start to figure out is that these people mean
that they’d rather die than live like you. That’s why you’re brave. They’d
rather die than have a disability. Having a disability is apparently worse than
death. Your life is a worse fate than death. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or perhaps the lady in the grocery store looks to your
mother and says “Such a shame. She’s too pretty to be disabled” and eventually,
as you grow older, these grocery store ladies start saying it to you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So by the time you’re 12 and you’re reading Seventeen
magazine where you’re learning that you need to start straightening your hair
or no boy will ever find you attractive and you need to stay skinny if you ever
want to be loved, you’re also hearing from every well-intentioned stranger that
you’re broken and you need to be healed. There is something wrong with you and
you need to be fixed. But you know you won’t ever be “fixed.” You’re walking
like this (and eventually rolling like this) for life. You were okay with your life
until the world started telling you that on top of being a completely imperfect
tween like every other girl, you’re also broken - thus making you completely undesirable.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You, my dear crippled girl, will never be pretty. You’ll be
cute. You’ll be cute to adults who like to patronize you and squeeze your
cheeks and treat you like a child for the rest of your life. Adults that
automatically think that because you’re in a wheelchair you’re broken. You will never be cute to the boy in your 8<sup>th</sup>
grade class who has the perfect hair and great smile. He’ll never think you’re
pretty because, quite frankly, you’re a broken girl. All those unsolicited prayers
from creepy mall strangers never kicked in. Plus, you never got that
straightener so your curly hair is really just a big poof of a mess and you see
Mrs. Frizzle every time you look in the mirror. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Your entire life you’ve been told you’re not pretty enough
because no girl is unless they’re in Teen Vogue. That’s hard enough for every
girl. And on top of that, you’re entire life you’ve received “compliments” from
strangers that were really just slaps in the face – constant reminders that you
are just a crippled girl. You are not ever going to be on the cover of Teen
Vogue. You’ll certainly never be in Playboy. Wheelchairs and scars are not
sexy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’ll be a virgin forever. People who are not sexually desirable
don’t have sex. They don’t get married. They don’t have kids. They probably don’t
even get kissed. People with disabilities are basically asexual, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Right. Or at least that’s how your doctors will treat you.
While your pediatrician might eventually talk to your sister and brother about
sex, they won’t talk to you about it. After all, your siblings aren’t disabled,
so they can be attractive and have sex. You, my dear girl, cannot. You can
either be desirable or you can be disabled, and since you’ve already got that
wheelchair I guess we know which path you’ll be taking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You, my dear girl, have only one path. You will be disabled.
You will be a burden. A burden on your family. A burden on society. Just a
plain old burden. Your dad told you that you could be anything you want – you could
change the world. But the rest of the world told you that you’ll be nothing.
You will simply be a drain on society. You can’t contribute. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You’ll be such a drain and burden that you’ll stress people
out to the point where they’ll get violent toward you, but that’s okay. You’ll
see it in the news – some girl with cerebral palsy was such a “burden” on her
family that her father put her in his truck and connected a hose from the
exhaust pipe to the cab until she died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Her dad will
say he “did it out of love” for her. The media will show the murderous father
compassion and say that the girl, who was so much like you, was probably better
off dead. The adults who talk about this news story around you will say that
they can sympathize with Killer Daddy because having a child with a disability
must be very stressful. They’ll say they can understand why the father murdered
his disabled daughter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is what you grow up with. This is what you hear every
day. This is why you pray that someday maybe someone will find you attractive.
This is why you hope so fucking hard that someone will love you someday. And
this is why when someone finally does show interest, you stay. You stay even
though they beat the hell out of you. Because they said they love you when the
rest of the world told you that you weren’t worthy of love. You stay even
though they force you to do things sexually that you don’t want to do. Because,
hell, at least they think of you in a sexual way. You stay when they threaten
to kill you. Because you know you’re a burden and that being with a disabled
woman is probably very stressful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You stay. You stay and you don’t say a word to anyone else.
Who would believe you anyway? If you left, no one else will ever love you. You’re
lucky your broken, imperfect self even found one person to love you. So what if
he beats you, refuses to let you have your wheelchair, forces himself on you,
and tells you you’re worthless? At least he loves you, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You stay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You stay for years. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I know you stay. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I know you stay because I stayed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I stayed for two years. I stayed while he hit me. I stayed
while he spit in my face. I stayed while my friends told me I was so lucky to
have him in my life. I stayed while other kids at school said he was stupid for
dating me because I was just the girl in the wheelchair. I stayed while he
screamed at me and pulled my hair. I stayed while my family told me he was such
a nice guy. I stayed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I think I broke up with him at least twenty times in two
years. But I kept going back. Many times when I left, he’d apologize and tell
me he loved me, so I went back. Later, when I left I locked him out of my
apartment to keep him away, so he slammed the glass door until it shattered, so
I went back because I thought it was safer than trying to keep him away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I tried to tell my friends about him, nobody believed
me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When I left him for good, my friends told me I was stupid
for letting him go. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I stopped telling people eventually. I realized no one would
believe me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But I’m telling you now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’m telling you now because when I was twenty I started
working at a disability rights organization and I started learning about
violence against women with disabilities. I started hearing stories from real
women with disabilities about the violence they experienced. I started learning
about the rape and abuse that happens to women with disabilities trapped in
institutions that never stops. I started learning about the rape and abuse that
happens to women with disabilities in the community that goes on for years and
is never reported. This is when I became
passionate about ending violence against women with disabilities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I’m telling you now because it wasn’t until I was 24 that it
hit me that I was one of these women. I am a woman with a disability. I
experienced personal violence. I experienced it just like the statistics say. I
am a statistic. I am one of the women that I want so desperately to protect. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am telling you now because the violence needs to stop. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am telling you now because the words you say to girls and
women with disabilities today will affect how we view ourselves and will affect
our futures. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am telling you now because I want you to stop telling
girls and women with disabilities that we’re broken, that we need prayers, that
we’re burdens, that it’s okay if someone hurts us because “they’re probably
just stressed” from having to “deal” with us, or that we’re pretty “for a girl
in a wheelchair.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am telling you now because I want you to start telling
girls and women with disabilities that we’re beautiful, that we’re wanted, that
we’re worthy of love, that you recognize us as sexual beings, that we’re
capable, and that no one should ever hurt us no matter what.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am telling you now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124491024333540389.post-10757237320640934252014-05-29T16:57:00.000-07:002014-06-03T12:10:43.789-07:00#yesallwomen Includes Women with Disabilities. <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Domestic violence, sexual assault, and
rape culture have been getting a lot of attention lately, especially with the
#yesallwomen hashtag that has gained some serious momentum. I’m
glad that this is on society’s radar right now, because as an advocate for
ending domestic violence and rape culture, this is something that is on my mind
every day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Also, as a woman this is something
that is on my mind every day. Every day I take steps to protect myself from
sexual assault that most men never even think of. Every day I deal with
statements and actions that perpetuate rape culture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">So yes, as a woman and an advocate I
am glad. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><b>But as a woman with a disability and an advocate for ending domestic
violence against women with disabilities, I am disappointed.</b> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">I’m disappointed because these conversations
about ending the violence, stopping the assaults, empowering women, and all
that jazz never include women with disabilities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><b>This is a huge problem. </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Why? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Well, for many reasons, but here’s
just a few:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women with disabilities are <b>at least <u>twice</u> as likely</b> to be victims of domestic violence and sexual assault than women without disabilities. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women with
disabilities experience <b>abuse that <u>lasts longer</u> and is <u>more intense</u></b> than women
without disabilities.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women with
disabilities are <b>less likely to report</b> domestic violence or sexual assault. Approximately
70% - 85% of abuse against people with disabilities goes unreported.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Studies estimate
that <b>80% of women with disabilities have been sexually assaulted</b>.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">One study showed
that <b>47% of sexually abused women with disabilities </b>reported assaults on <b><u>more than
ten occasions</u></b>.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Another study found
that <b>only 5%</b> of reported crimes against people with disabilities were prosecuted,
<b>compared to 70%</b> for serious crimes committed against people with no disabilities.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women
with disabilities are often perceived to be weak, unwanted or asexual, making us
more vulnerable to sexual violence.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Some
attackers have stated that they considered it a <b>“favor” to rape and/or sexually
assault women and girls with disabilities</b> because they thought no one else
would have sex with us, that we could not have sex otherwise, or they didn’t
even view us as human beings.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Abuse has a <b>more severe negative effect on the self-esteem</b> of women with physical disabilities than those without disabilities. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Many women with disabilities have fewer economic resources, thereby increasing the risk of abuse. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women with disabilities face limited options for escaping abusive situations and accessing battered women's programs.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18.399999618530273px; text-indent: -0.25in;">Women with disabilities are women too.<b> Our voices, our thoughts, our bodies, and our lives matter</b>.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I could keep continuing to list facts
for you, but I’d be here all night. No, I’d be here for years. The point is
that women with disabilities are women. We are human. We are sexual beings. And w</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">e
are experiencing domestic violence and sexual assault and we’re experiencing it
at much higher rates than any other population. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><b>But nobody is talking about us.
Nobody is talking with us.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Problems don’t get fixed if nobody
knows the problem exists. By not taking a stand against the violence that women
with disabilities face, we are essentially ignoring it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">No, we’re doing more than ignoring it.
We are endorsing it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">When women without disabilities don’t step up to talk
about and try to stop the abuse that women with disabilities face, they are
endorsing that abuse. Just like when men don’t step up to talk about and try to stop rape culture, they are endorsing rape culture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Just like rape and domestic violence isn’t a women’s problem, rape and domestic violence against women with
disabilities isn’t just a problem for women with disabilities. </b>These are both
societal problems. Society needs to fix them. Men and women - with and without disabilities – need to work
together on these issues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So let’s start talking about domestic violence and sexual assault
against women with disabilities because #yesallwomen includes women with
disabilities. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9124491024333540389.post-82529056023954852372014-05-17T15:07:00.001-07:002014-05-18T10:12:52.552-07:00My Awkward Introduction <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hey There! I am pretty awkward when it comes to introductions. Actually, I'm pretty awkward in general. So let's just right jump right in, shall we?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm Stephanie Woodward - your awkward, yet sassy Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was crowned as Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014 in the beginning of April after spending a weekend competing with some fantastic ladies from across Florida. Each an every one of those ladies were more poised & classy than I am, but I guess the judges this year wanted to take an alternative route, so they chose the girl with an inappropriate sense of humor and the mouth of a trucker.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am honored they chose me and hope to do Florida proud.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So to start off this blog, I want to tell you a little about me, a little about Ms. Wheelchair Florida, Inc., and a little about what this blog is going to be all about! So here it goes...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A Little About Me</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">
I am a Disability Rights activist at heart. I will do just about anything to help enforce, expand, and educate about the rights of people with disabilities - this includes protesting, being arrested (only twice so far!), posing naked for a disability rights campaign, giving presentations, attempting to convert every guy I date into a disability rights advocate, and explaining to kids in grocery stores why I use a wheelchair and why there's nothing wrong with using a wheelchair. Oh yeah, and I'm also a Disability Rights lawyer. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Beyond my commitment to Disability Rights, I am also interested in cheeseburgers, bright colors, every animal that crosses my path (particularly if I'm allowed to touch them!), all other civil rights, panda youtube videos, and brownies. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A Little About Ms. Wheelchair Florida, Inc. </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ms. Wheelchair Florida, Inc. serves as a platform for women in all 67 counties in Florida while advocating for the 54 million Americans who are living with disabilities. MW FL Inc. strives strive to bring awareness to all people with disabilities and the importance of them being included in the communities in which they live and that they are able to have a choice when it comes to employment, education, and housing.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A Little About This Blog</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In this blog I plan to write about general disability issues to educate people about disabled people, the disability community, disability rights, and more. I will also blog specifically about ending domestic violence against women with disabilities because that is my platform issue as Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2014. If you've never heard of anything that I write about in this blog that's great because I'm happy to help you learn! If you already know everything that I write about in this blog then great because you're already informed about these important topics! Either way, I hope you'll read and share it with others! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I will try to make sure that this blog is accessible to all, but if you find any inaccessibility or have suggestions, please don't be afraid to let me know! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And if you have suggestions for topics you'd like me to address, I'd be happy to hear them! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That's all for now! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sincerely, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stephanie </span></div>
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18411321896311798109noreply@blogger.com9